It’s a Saturday morning, woke up later than I planned , which is the cause of my morning downhill mood.
It’s just after eleven, struggling with lots of pain attacking from different sides; up and down, back & forth, head to toe. Pain makes me think differently, I appreciate more and like of myself more.
I am restless, don’t know how to do it and do what. I cleaned. I washed. Walked around, up and down hoping that something will happen.
I went to him. He was still asleep, but he feels me when I am near him. I turned him on his side, lied next to him, put my arm around him tight, he said “tighter”, I could only do what I was ordered and the order was a great pleasure.
I started whispering: what if it’s not so bad after all, imagine, I’m a horse, but can’t make up my mind which colour I want to be, a black horse perhaps, or brown and suddenly remembering that I also like white, or was it in my dream? I told him that I want him to be a bird, and whichever bird he wants. He said ” sparrow” not sure if i know this bird but he said ” it’s small. he could hide under my saddle, he also said ” I can fly and look around if there is any danger” and I told him that I will have a big mouth so he could get in there and hide but instead he said ” I could eat leftovers in your mouth”, Would you like that I said “, “sure” he said.
Maybe we don’t need to speak, but we will understand, it’s a different world after all. But I love to talk to you… he said ” I need to learn horse and you need to learn bird” Ohh gosh, this is so beautiful, this childlike talk. …Purity. Something else. And here are tears pushing down my eyes, further down to the cheeks then to to the final land of unknown… one after another…